Saturday, July 24, 2010
Make that a -|10Sinx| graph
;cause I missed you again at 11:50 pm
My mood is like a sin curve recently. Or more specifically a 1.5sin(x) -0.5 curve. Aka fluctuating and generally negative.
;cause I missed you again at 1:12 am
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I hope this is the sleep deprivation talking.
I'm feeling pretty lost really. Hmm i don't know what i should be thinking, don't what what i should be saying, don't know what i should be doing. I pretty much have no idea whats going on anymore. Feel a lil like i've been thrown into the wilderness to fend for myself. I'm heading down a path i've once trodden and as good as sworn off. Somebody pls slap some sense into me. Man...i hate it when im like that. Wo pa le, ni pa le ma?
;cause I missed you again at 1:27 am
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I so need a break. A break from everything. Since june its been like work, camp, going out, and its repeating itself. This week is work, next week is camp and week after is probably going out again. Soon I'm gonna suffer from withdrawal symptoms when i run out of programs or $$ to go out which ever comes first. I thrive on interaction but too much of it and i'd get hooked.
I wouldn't call what i went through and am going through withdrawal symptoms, its not at that stage yet. But i can't deny that to a certain extent its considered an addiction and addictions are unhealthy. I think i may have stuck my foot in a little too deep. Should i really pull my leg out?
Tsk, so need a drag.
;cause I missed you again at 11:46 pm
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
heh my sincere apologies for the short hiatus since i was away in camp but now that i'm feeling a little more refreshed(though sickly) and i have some free time on my hands i shall blog about the camp.
Uni camp is really like nothing i've experienced. Haha theres alot less restrictions and so just about anything goes. For eg you'renot about to find a guy pcc-ing on a jc orientation video. Anyway here are the events day by day
Day 1The least exciting day but most unforgettable night. In the day it was pretty much just running around the school getting to "know its layout better" but technically i still dont know how to get around the school and i don't think theres an iphone app for the internal map of ntu. Alot of the stations were like what we see in taiwan vairiety programs like molding plasticine Chinese whispers and "100 seconds No NG" Anyway at night we did 2 things. First we were brought to this open drain cover and my ogl told me we were going to climb in it. I thought she was joking, i thought wrong. We really had to walk in the drain with drain water, low ceilings and even had to scale a not so low wall. Then we were blindfolded and led around school to do a series of challenges including but not limited to falling backwards unto an airbed and being soaked in soy sauce 7 up raw eggs etc etc. Oh yeah we also met our SP's and got to talk to them and a few other random ppl.
Day 2Day 2 was the day most of us got our tans/burns because it was pool games and it was before we realised the importance of sunscreen. Haven't swam so much in awhile but it felt pretty good to be in the water under the hot sun. Again we got to do somethings like in taiwan variety programs like gladiator fight on a floating platform and running on a floating platform. In the afternoon we played games in this darn muddy field just off hall 7. Just 2 words, wet and dirty. At night it was fright night aka night walk. The make up of the seniors was commendable but most interesting part was how a guy was more afraid than the girls throughout the thing.
Day 3Day 3, a day filled with the sun, sand and sea. Beach games from morning to evening giving me a tan that makes me look more foreign than i already am. Truly a day filled with activities testing physical and mental limits. Ran in and out of the sea so much my shirt was barely dry. At night it was off to fort canning part for SP night. Really felt like a speed dating thing though haha.
Day 4/5I put day 4 and 5 together because the amazing race lasted 1.5 days. Starting from ntu we headed to bukit batok park(i think) -> ten mile junction -> yishun stadium -> katong(teo heng) -> bedok -> expo -> bedok -> east coast park -> city hall(war memorial) -> some park in the west -> ntu.
Did so many stupid things its almost impossible to list. Dancing mass dance at an mrt station, telling 5 people they need their hair cut, getting a hug from a stranger and then getting someone to add us on facebook. Sad that when i went teo heng my voice was damn sore so i couldnt really do "don't forget the lyrics" properly.
2nd half of day 5 was mud games vs seniors and then a chilaxing evening of dinner and great company.
Heh i think you realise that day 4/5 is very lacking in detail because i've been at this post for days, continuing when i have the time so i lost a little stamina along the way. oh wel can't wait for the next camp
;cause I missed you again at 2:13 pm
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Hmmz going to a camp briefing tml then off to camp on sunday. Can't believe i still have to work tml. Thankfully I'm able to rest on sunday. Somewhat anyway. Today being friday made it a little more busy for me at the booth. Passed my time reading new paper world cup articles and learning the lyrics to Hai Kuo Tian Kong. I am now able to sing it(i think) while looking at the lyrics. Doesn't sound like much right? Yeah we'll its a canto song and i have no basics in that tongue whatsoever talk about tough.
Anyway this next portion i actually wanted to post yesterday but it occurred after i switched off the laptop. Erm my current situation is just like what i was trying to do last night. That is, its like trying to plug in the charger in the dark. I could have felt my way through it but there was no certainty on how long it would take or if it would succeed at all. Therefore the simple solution would be to introduce some form of illumination such that instead of feeling my way through I can use my eyes. Point being, feeling my way through isn't gonna be good enough, its gonna take more than that.
;cause I missed you again at 2:04 am
Friday, July 02, 2010
hmm as i was telling siau ling, maybe its not about leaping. its about walking into it as slow as possible.
;cause I missed you again at 12:50 am
Thursday, July 01, 2010
As my iphone battery app would say, "Do you want to refresh your battery and do a full charge cycle which could increase your battery life?" I say yes.
;cause I missed you again at 4:11 pm
hmm. If only you were wide awake more often. I'll admit I'm pretty defenceless against Mr Hyde and that's why its Dr Jekyll I prefer to talk to because at the end of the day, its Dr Jekyll who is the final decision maker. As rational as I like to think I am, I can't help but feel I'm now following my heart rather than my brain. While we'd all still love to do that somehow as we age we can't help but feel the importance of listening to the brain a little. Dr Jekyll is your brain and he has something to say whereas Mr Hyde just wings it. I don't have such a clear distinction between the 2 or rather the brain has no input now. But somehow its always been that way. I've never always been the best at expressing myself precisely because my brain has minimal input. That to put what I feel or think into words is a tough job for me. Maybe even if over time my brain gets a better understanding of what's going on, it wouldn't matter as much. Maybe I do things I feel are right rather than think are right more than I'd like to admit. Or rather, My brain starts rationalizing after the deed is done and thus far when the 2 have not agreed it becomes filed under "mistake". And I guess that's why I don't have regrets, because I dont think it was right to do but I felt it was.
I don't know whats to do. When our preferences of methods differ it becomes a little more complicated. I want you to do what you think is right not what you feel is right. As much as I'd like to do the same, I'm not really wired that way. Besides, as far as I'm concerned, what is on the table right now does not need a rational behind it, that somethings happen because they do, that giving it a rational would be more of convenience to make ourselves feel a little better. In more specific terms, to feel differently about something without understanding the reason behind is reason enough for me, that while I may not understand it now, one day I might, and the might is all I need. But then again perhaps I'll need to rethink that.
Naturally neither of us are at the stage where if we end up with someone else we'd be lost. I won't say we'd be upset but we'd be affected and that makes all the difference in the world to me. We all have different benchmarks on what's required for us to make the leap of faith. I think you know yours, now let me think about mine.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh
;cause I missed you again at 1:50 pm
