Monday, May 08, 2006
Sianz...so much work to do..so little time. So much to think about...so little to talk tok about.
You apparently haven't left and u've been coming to visit me more often recently. Is it me or is it you?? i really wanna know. Sometimes the things u say are totally ridiculous. Yet i would be lying if i said u didnt have me convinced at times. Do i trust you? or do i trust myself? And who's to say whats a lie and whats the truth. nothing is absolutely a truth or a lie. its just how u perceive it. its all in the mind they say
A blog is not that free for speech afterall. Perhaps cos the real world isn't either. There are just some things u can't say. And u only have urself to deal with it. Yes its time lyk these which make u mature because it gets you thinking and u have to think and think like you've nv b4. then u have to make a choice(sounds lyk econs huh)
incurring an oppurtunity cost. Perhaps the real world is that cruel afterall. You only have urself to rely and you can only trust youself. So much for innocence of youth. Haha this has totally nothing to do with me being upset
i think but yah i just like to think a little more deeply than i used to.
And then something new comes to mind. Is maturity related to innocence? Does becoming more mature mean we are less innocent. Somehow theres no link yet theres a link. make no sense huh. Thought provoking question. to me at least.
I noticed my recent posts have just been rambling on and on on such issues. maybe thats y nobody tags my board. I used to be able to look forward to reaching home to read my tag board and no matter how tiring the day was it just made my day worthwhile it's like talking to friends something of which i haven't been doing much for 1 reason or the other. Used to. i guess im overly dependent on it bahz.
Maybe its just me but people seem to have even less time to talk to me than i have to talk to them. And everyday i idle my time away online in search of fellow loners to talk to even if it meant sacrificing time for my work for what is grades when u don't have friends. What is life when u have no one to share your joy with. A joy shared is a joy doubled.
I miss the band of brothers who made life in school worthwhile each and everyday. Of cos thats all in the past.
oh yes ever notice how no matter what u always seem to be there for others but others dun seem to be there for you. After much self reflection i declare his statement false. Its all perspective. maybe its just ur own refusal to open up for 1 reason or the other. maybe u haven't been trusting those around you as much as you ought to. Maybe, its just you..maybe.
;cause I missed you again at 7:45 pm
